Celebrate all things masculine
Are you man enough? Big and bad enough? Are you gonna let ‘em shoot you down when the banks say no to secured loans? No way. If all you need is fast cash to keep the creditors at bay, strap in and go for an unsecured loan. Man up on behalf of your budget, particularly on this day: Monday, June 15. Why? Because it’s National Man Day, baby! And more than 250,000 are prepared to do manly things in observance.
Rick Steelhammer (manly name) reports for the Charleston Gazette that Indiana brothers Joel and Aaron Longanecker (manly name, but lose the “a”) are kicking the man-bashing train’s caboose and taking names as more males sign up for their National Man Day Facebook event. The names have come pouring in from all corners of the nation, names of strapping individuals who will spend today in celebration, performing a variety of male rites: football, hunting, eating bronto steaks, camping, blowing things up, being a dad, squeezing off high-caliber rounds (from a firearm), defending the honor of your woman, head smacks, making big rocks into little rocks and pumping iron.
These are just a few of many suitable activities. Men, in everything that you do, raise your glasses and give thanks. The brotherhood of true men will never die and the mead will continue to flow down through the halls of our forefathers.
“Take back the crown of masculinity”
That’s the Longaneckers’ call on this National Man Day. The show that they’re up to the task, their Facebook profile shot shows a pair of manly men in camo in the deep woods. They’re throwing down with axes at a campsite. According to Steelhammer, the only things that would make that scene even more manly is if the combatants were riding ATVs equipped with flaming, laser-guided sharks. Furthermore, the warriors have snapped their femurs in half, but continue to shrug off the excruciating pain while flying, “Matrix”-style.
At least that’s one way of defining manliness. I say it’s much less silly and much more about responsibility, honesty and courage. That’s real strength. Once I’m done being sensitive guy, however, I’ll pole vault over Paul Bunyan and John Henry. You see, I’ve knocked them flat. You know what Tennessee Ernie Ford says, right? “If the left one doesn’t get you, then the right one will.”
16 tons (of men) and whaddya get?
No time off yet, of course. National Man Day is a proposed holiday, so all observances are unofficial at this point. Until the end of this article, I will campaign without rest to make sure National Man Day takes its rightful place among the holidays of the pantheon. Forget about Easter, folks. National Man Day is going to blow right by it; it’s going to become a paid holiday. Until then, going to work is encouraged. “Money” and “man” go together… and they both start with the same letter. Mmmmmm…
Rolling on Facebook
Think National Man Day is a joke, disbelievers? Take a gander at some of the wall scribblings from the FaceBook page. Notice how quickly the crowd grows:
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Be a MAN!!
June 15th is the RETURN OF MAN!!
I support male bonding and partake regularly. But when it comes right down to it, I don’t have to tell you how much of a man I am. A real man is confident enough in his powers that he doesn’t need to toot his own horn.
GREAT job, MEN! We hit 250,000 men!
This day is the day for all men to stand up and say, “Yes, I am a Man.” And “Yes, I will step up and do manly things and whatever I want to do on this glorious day!”
Come, make history! Be a part of National Man Day. Take the world by the throat and tell them it’s OK to watch Rocky movies all day. Tell them it’s fine if you sit in your favorite chair and scratch yourself. Tell them it’s normal to go shoot stuff or blow something up. Why? Because YOU ARE A MAN!!!
You aren’t some nancy that likes to frolic in the fields, unless it’s a field of mines and you have an AK-47 and a hand full of grenades… Then you really are a man!
Oh, and invite every man you know!
We’re shooting for 1,000!!
(12-23-08)***
WE are doing AMAZING!!
Nothing says Happy New Year like hitting our 5,000 mark!!! This is great news! GREAT JOB!!!
Let’s take this even further and shoot for 10,000 men!!
(1-4-09)
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Men: Thanks for all the great pics and support! We as men need to stand up and take back this country! Remember when Men ruled the ENTIRE world? Neither do I because we have failed to meet the challenges that have faced us as men. We need to start acting like we have a pair of balls and stop doing things like watching Dancing with the stars and driving Mazda Miata convertibles.
National Man Day is about acting like a Man & taking responsibility for things we can control. Be a better father to your kids, hit the gym, punch a gorilla in the face, treat women like a gentleman, and most of all BE A MAN! A glorious testosterone filled, standing up when you p*$$ MAN!~Aaron and Joel Longanecker
National Man Day FoundersP.S. To the guy that said we need to change the part about literally knocking someone’s head off while playing football…. It was an attempt at humor. Maybe next time I’ll throw in some jokes about algebraic notations and graphs… You may get those. Until then, suck it up, grow a pair and study some humor!
(1-7-09)
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This is HUGE!!!
Men, you all are doing an amazing job at spreading the word on this! Give yourselves a pat on the back!
This time we’re shooting for 40,000 people to our brotherhood of man. Keep spreading the news men!
My brothers of National Man Day,
We are exceeding anything I could ever hope for! Our numbers are growing at a extreme rate. It is AMAZING!!!!
Great job men! Thank you for your support!!!
Our new goal is 75,000!
(1-12-09)
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Congrats guys! We have hit 200,000 people! I’m so happy that you guys have carried this dream on! Good job to you all! Now let’s shoot for 250,000 people!
We can do it!
IMPORTANT!!!(3-25-09)
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Hello my fellow countrymen!
I have received mail recently that questioned the motives of this day. So, once again I want to clarify what National Man Day is about.
National Man Day isn’t about getting drunk and having sex with a million girls, anyone can do that.National Man Day is about being a responsible man and having fun doing it! So many times the media and other forces tell us that being manly isn’t cool. They say it’s OK to not be a man of your word, or to walk out and leave your family. National Man Day is a day to step up, slap the media in the face and tell them it is GREAT to be a manly man, one that John Wayne would be proud of! It is a day to step up and be a good father, or bring some flowers home to your wife. It’s a day to be a man, one that this country hasn’t seen in decades. It’s a day to be a responsible, respectful man! And it’s a day to have freaking blast doing it!
So on June 15th, make it the beginning of the return of manly men!
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Some important distinctions made there, right? However you celebrate National Man Day today, know this. A real man doesn’t need to blow his own horn. He is a man in everything he says, everything he does. He is confident, respectful, intelligent and wise. He knows when it’s OK to bark at the moon and when it’s time for quiet, intimate time. He knows moderation, but also when secured loans and unsecured loans can help. He is your grandfather, your father and your uncle. He is also you and your sons. Celebrate what it means to be a man, today and every day.
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